Hudson Attack On Airliner: Inside Job?
The attack today by a gaggle of goslings on an airliner taking off in New York ought to remind people how dangerous the world can be. The first question ought we ought to ask ourselves is whether we had something to do with this attack. Andy Levy over at Big Hollywood writes:
In the wake of the events of 1-15, in which a wedge of Geese brought down a US Airways aircraft, here’s what you won’t be hearing about from the so-called “Mainstream Media”: We brought this on ourselves.
After an event such as this one, it’s important to look at the root causes: Why did the Geese attack us? Well, the truth is, for years we have been oppressing the Geese, using them for the fuel they provide for our bodies.
Boneless Goose Breast, Brandied Roast Goose, Roast Goose with Cumberland Sauce and Apricot Stuffing. And of course, the Christmas Goose. In the name of religion, we have been engaged in what can only be called a Crusade against the Geese. Is it any wonder that a few brave suicide Geese would seek revenge?
Under the neocon/neofascist Cheney-Bush administration, Goose consumption is up 1541%. Geese have been systematically deprived of their rights at a level never seen before. (Look around your workplace: do you see any Geese? Wouldn’t you be nervous if you did?) Reports of shameful anti-Goose activity are at an all-time high, mainly in the South and Midwest, of course.
The fact is, WE (and, of course, Israel) are responsible for the rise of militant Gooslam. Given our actions, is it any wonder that gaggles of Goslings would reject the teachings of moderate Goose leaders, when those leaders are perceived as being in the pocket of the West? Given our actions, is it any wonder that these young Gooslamists would flock to more assertive leaders, leaders whose commitment to their cause cannot be questioned? Given our actions, the rise of a “Goosama” was inevitable. We have only ourselves to blame. (Does anyone doubt that somewhere there’s a photo of Donald Rumsfeld shaking hands with a Goose?)
In the moments right after 1-15, many have been quick to praise the actions of the US Airways pilot. But the TRUTH is that our pilots have been instruments of the BUSHITLER illegal war against the Geese. I know the Repuglicans will attack me for saying this, but speaking TRUTH TO POWER of course makes me a true PATRIOT. And very brave.
Right now America’s relationship with other species couldn’t be worse. Like most Americans, often when I’m hiking I find myself apologizing to woodland creatures for the actions of our illegitimate government. And like the rest of the world, I’m hopeful that once President Obama takes office, things will change, and that we will end our imperialistic attempts at hegemony over the rest of the planet. After all, if he can sit down with Iran and Hezbollah, he can sit down with the Geese.
There are many more questions. How can we be sure that the plane was actually brought down by geese? Any information gained from torturing geese with threats of an interview with Sarah Palin can’t be trusted, and there is no evidence proving that the ‘heroic’ pilot didn’t crash the plane himself into the Hudson River, likely in an attempt to murder the millions of sea-kittens living there in peace. America’s rapacious hunger for energy has set it on a path for war against species long discriminated against as unequals just because they’re edible (and because they sometimes eat their own poop). And what about plane number 7? Has anyone even seen it? Before we allow this so-called attack to drive America into declaring another preemptive war against another peaceful yet delicious species in the animal kingdom, we ought to ask ourselves whether any scientist (or chef at least) has ever seen butter melt when submerged 25 feet in freezing cold river water? Anyone? It’s impossible! Then how can we talk about pulling geese over the coals for this attack when it’s obvious that it was an inside job?
I don’t ordinarily post full columns, but this one featured by Andy Levy is too good. It’s food for thought for all you knee jerk patriot warmongers always on the hunt for your next meal. Think of this also as a chance to take a gander at many of the other great columns up over at the political watercooler for conservatives in Big Hollywood!
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6 Responses to “Hudson Attack On Airliner: Inside Job?”
January 15th, 2009 at 8:45 pm
LMAO. This is one of the funniest stories I have ever read. I can’t even think of anything to retort with, other than what I have already said. Love ya.
Annieb´s last blog post..Ammunition Accountability
January 15th, 2009 at 9:44 pm
Excellent! Thanks for helping all the truthers out there!
Joseph´s last blog post..Chesley B. Sullenberger, III
January 16th, 2009 at 6:45 am
ROTFLMAO!!!!!
January 16th, 2009 at 7:47 am
HA!! Hilarious!! I hereby declare myself anti-goose!! Please keep me abreast of Gooslamists flock movement so I may take cover when threatened!!
January 16th, 2009 at 9:27 am
“Are you now, or have you ever been seated next to a Christmas goose?”
January 17th, 2009 at 12:34 am
Not all geese wish us harm, we shouldn’t go after every goose and gander just because two geese attacked one of our passenger planes. Geese are birds of peace, you know.
Besides, we know they were Canadian Geese. We only need to rid the world of Canadian Geese and all will be well.
Indigo Red´s last blog post..Woolly Mammoths – Dry Clean Only
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